Hi my friends! It has been a hot minute since my last post. In fact, it was last May (if you have been keeping track).
When Tailoredbytiff came up for renewal, Nick asked me if I wanted to keep my blog or not. After contemplating it for a while, I told him "YES!"
For the past year and a half, I have had great feedback on my MDA updates. It is a lot of work to write my posts for IG/FB and instead of manipulating everything I write to fit each platform, I thought it would be nice to have everything in one place that people can visit. Not to mention, since we own the domain, it will always be here!
Then that got my wheels turning.
Since my diagnosis, I have struggled with a bit of an identity crisis if you will. I have had a hard time adjusting to my new "norm". What is my new role?
I have always had the role of daughter, niece, cousin, friend. As I got older, I gained the roles of nurse, wife, and my favorite role of all - mother.
I am still all of those things with the exception of one, NURSE.
You see, since I was a little girl, I have always wanted to be a nurse. I used to feverently read books by Lurlene McDaniel when I was a little girl. I would stay up until the wee hours of the night (for a second/third grader) reading books with a flashlight under the covers, praying my parents would not come check on me. I remember telling my mom, at a very young age, that all I wanted to do was "help people" when I grew up.
Fast forward 10 years to when I applied for college, declaring "nursing" as my major. I knew my parents were giving me the opportunity of a lifetime and I took school VERY seriously, working VERY hard to earn my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. And I will be the first to tell you, it was not easy.
But was it worth it?
One million percent, it was worth every missed mixer, every missed game, every missed summer vacation (yes, we went straight through summer taking classes and participating in clinicals). Don't worry, I still had fun, I just had my priorities in check.
When I graduated, I felt so incredibly accomplished. I knew I wanted to be a Labor and Delivery nurse from day one and that was where my soul focus was. How do I get a job in L&D?
After a lot of research and talking to some of my Nursing School professors, I knew that a great way to get some much needed experience was to work at a county hospital. I also knew that one of the busiest labor and delivery units in the world was in the same great state I live in - Parkland.
Along with a few of my girlfriends who also wanted to be L&D nurses, we applied to Parkland's L&D internship. Surprise, surprise - we all were welcomed with open arms with the expectation that we would soon pass our boards (the NCLEX).
In August of 2005, I started my dream job as a Labor and Delivery nurse and over the next 15 years, I experienced more joy and more heart ache than I ever knew was possible. The good days were amazing and the hard days were some of the worst days one could ever dream of.
But I was doing what I set out to do. Help people.
This fullfilled me.
This gave me a sense of purpose.
Fast forward to October of 2020, and everything I had worked so hard for, was taken from me in the blink of an eye.
In the midst of a National pandemic, a pandemic that can cause detrimental problems with ones respiratory system, I was advised to stop my nursing career. The risk of Covid was too much for my lungs....
Everything that was "normal" in my life was stripped from me without warning. I had no closure.
Yes, my family is THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to me, and they deserve a healthy daughter, wife, mother....
But I would be lying if I told you that I don't miss being a nurse.
That I don't miss fullfilling my calling.
I did not get to retire or make the choice to stop nursing. The decision was made for me and as I said above, I had no closure.
Needless to say, I have been sitting in a weird spot for a while now. Trying to find my sense of identity again.
And as I sat with the question as to wether or not I wanted to continue to blog, I decided that maybe this is the purpose for me now.
Maybe I can help people through this space.
Over the past 6-9 months, I have sat on a few zoom calls and participated in a podcast (listen to it here) related to lung cancer. One of the topics that has come up time and time again is the lack of where to go when diagnosed - with NSCLC in particular.
I don't want to ONLY blog about cancer, but I would like to be a resource to others who have been diagnosed and to their family members, all while showing people that you CAN live a (fairly) normal life.
I feel like God is leading me down an uncharted path for me, but a path that I am happy to hold His hand and walk down together.
So for now, my goal is write a post 2 days a week. Sometimes it may be about cancer, some days it may be about life, some days it may be mom hacks or food... whatever I write about, I want it to be organic and I want it to add value to your life.
If you have made it this far, thank you. Thank you for letting me pour out my heart to you and thank you for coming along for the ride,
May you feel God's love today and always,