Insomnia

Insomnia....

I’ve struggled with this from time to time. Especially while working the night shift. But typically I would be able to fall asleep around 2 a.m. at the latest.

Since my diagnosis 3 weeks ago, sleep has utterly evaded me.

Sometimes I am thinking about cancer. I think about the future. What it could mean for my sweet family....

Other times I dive into The Word and remind myself of God’s promises. His faithfulness and mine. His ability to perform miracles.

And other times I purely just sit with myself. Reflecting on my life and who I am. Places I’ve visited. Memories I’ve made. What I’ve accomplished. And what I still desire to do.

No amount of ambien or Advil p.m. can turn off the constant flow of thoughts. The silver lining is the quiet time I get to spend with God.

Tomorrow is a big day around here. We will find out wether or not we need to head back to MDA for another procedure. On Monday morning we receive the results of the first batch of molecular testing on the cancer cells coursing through my body. If the results are incomplete, then I will head back to MDA to undergo a surgical lung biopsy on Wednesday. This would provide a better tissue sample for further molecular testing, and unfortunately would result in another 2-week waiting period for more results. If the genetic testing results give the amazing team the information they need, then they will be able to design the right cocktail of genetic therapies to begin attacking the cancer cells.

Either way, I feel at peace, but I am ready to get this show on the road!

So today I’m praying for a restful night of sleep. And I know His mercies are new every morning. And no matter what the future holds, tomorrow will be a step in the right direction and I am here for it!